Sex, Love and Romance by Helen Ruan

Sex, Love and Romance

The meaning of sex, love and romance can be different among people, like the way we express our love, what we feel is romantic and our sex behavior. To understand someone’s sexuality we need to look at many social factors that are involved in the person’s life. As Crawford explains, people’s sexual identity can be influenced by their social class, religion, gender roles and ethnicity.

Before we get into sex, love and romance, we should discuss how we pick our partners. For which characteristics do we look for? What is preset in our mind about certain things? The first thing that strikes us when we see a stranger is there appearance. Before we get to know a person, some may already judge them and foresee how things would go if they dated him/her.

Our expectation of what happens in a relationship is built on the basis of sexual scripts. In class we discussed about what we would expect to happen on a first date. Our class had a few different answers. Some feel that the male should take the first step in asking a girl out where as some female students feel that they were comfortable in asking the male out. Some people would like to go on a movie date and others like to do other activities. All the things we say about first dates is based on expectations. In addition the in class activity where we rated if activities are appropriate are also based on our expectations. These expectations are influenced by gender, culture and society. As part of my culture, females are supposed to be waiting on the males to ask them out and may only have sex after marriage. It is also part of my culture that a couple cannot live together until after marriage.

Even though one’s culture or religion can indicate how they should behave, society is changing. Now adolescents begin to explore their sexuality earlier. They are more curious about their own bodies and the opposite or same sex. It is a fact that adolescents have sex at an earlier age and this can be influenced by the media and peer pressure. Their curiosity comes with a danger as well because many of them might not engage in safe sex. Many young girls do not speak up to their partner about using condoms. Even some older adults don’t even do so.

Ok, some of us may or may not pressure our partner to use a condom. What is the benefit of that? And to whom is that benefiting? Some if not all men say that it feels better without it. Ok, that makes them enjoy the sex more but what about the women? How do women feel about sex with their partner? More often than not, a woman’s first intercourse is a negative experience as Crawford mentions. This negative experience is based on how they lost their virginity. How is the experience of sex influenced by how it is performed? Some women just lay there and let the man do their thing and some women likes to be more active. Studies prove that women that are passive feel less pleasure. What if you don’t have a partner? Is self pleasure appropriate and does both sexes do that? Both men and women may pleasure themselves how ever men admit to it more often than women.

People say sex makes the relationship stronger and better. What if you are forced to have sex? What do you know about abusive relationships? All in all what makes a relationship strong and healthy is equality. Abusive between partners is known as intimate partner violence. Jordana Ravick discussed about intimate partner violence in our class. In addition Crawford also discussed about abusive relationships in the book. The rates of intimate partner violence are high in New York City and they are even higher if we count in those that are not reported. Most batterers are men even though there some that are women. Jordana indicated it was the matter of being a choice. She also made a very unbelievable note that for every battered women shelter there are 2-3 animal shelter. That statistic makes a loud statement. There are many forms of abuse such as emotional/verbal, sexual coercion, financial/economic, sex and using children. To have a healthy relationship, one needs to stop the abuse and engage in healthy behaviors like trust and support, negotiation, fairness, honesty and non threatening behavior.

Interesting videos that I found in relation to intimate partner violence and sexuality

Oprah- Sexuality in America

Talking about sex to children

Violence

Sexual Language

Kechley Bruna advertisement activity

www.mimifroufrou.com/.../Secret-Obsession-Ad.jpg http://www.mimifroufrou.com/scentedsalamander/Secret-Obsession-Ad.jpg

This is an advertisement from Calvin Klein that supports gender stereotypes by objectifying women. The product is actually a bottle of perfume but the model is completely naked. This ad is using sex to appeal to its audience. The perfume bottle is located at the bottom of the advertisement and is fully colored while the woman’s naked body is merely faded in to the background to attract attention. This is sending the message that woman are just tools; in this case used to influence customers to buy this bottle of perfume. I personally feel that having a naked woman is completely irrelevant to selling perfume. The eyes of this woman even appear to be closed, as if she is a subordinate. This fragrance is called 'secret obsession' and is surprisingly targeting females. Calvin Klein is guaranteeing a sexy scent and is saying this by means of the naked woman on the advertisement. Since this is a feminine fragrance women are getting the message that looking like this woman is the only way to be viewed as sexy. While women are often objectified I can also picture a male being completely naked to sell a feminine fragrance.


This advertisement is introducing the liquor bottle to consumers while supporting the gender roles of society. The man is the only one looking directly in to the camera while the two women are focus on him. The female on the right side is in a sexy pose with her legs up and mouth open. they both seem to be struggling to gain his attention. The double standard is being supported here where it is perfectly normal for the guy to have two dates whereas a woman would be criticized if she had multiple partners. The cheetah print tights worn by the girl on the right reminds me of kitten that is in dire need of attention and just wants to be stroked by its owner. While these other messages are being thrown at the consumer i find it difficult to even notice the product being sold.


This is aProxy-Connection: keep-alive
Cache-Control: max-age=0

eculiar ad that I found online that depicts a woman playing both gender roles. he is seen with female clothes on the right and men's attire on the left. this advertisement is showing the versatility of female models. This ad also draws attention to the different postures expected for male and female models. The feminine side of this dichotomy is seen standing behind the man, which makes her look inferior. The male is seen hunched over with a serious facial expression. The body on the right is more exposed and objectified whereas the male is barely seen. While this shows that a woman can be versatile it presents a certain definition of what is considered feminine and masculine.

Sex, Gender, and Bodies

O. G.

I think many people aren’t aware of all the different sexual developments of all the people in our society. The first time I heard about a lot of disorders and different outcomes of fetal developments was the first time I have ever taken a psychology class. We all learn about the fetal developments, the hormones, and the body organs in health class and biology class in high school. Yet we never learn anything more than that, making us think that everyone in the world is designed in the same way, and that the world is divided into males and females. As an outcome, nobody really knows about the 1.7% of babies that vary in biological form from the two distinct divisions we learned about. We grow up and walk the world unaware of intersexuality, of Klinefelter’s syndrome, androgen insensitivity syndrome, Turner’s syndrome, hermaphrodites, congenital adrenal hyperplasia, partial androgen insensitivity, and many others. Our unawareness makes us unable to understand the lives some people lead, and make us very close-minded, which in turn ostracizes the small, but ever-present percentage of people with variations.
Our ignorance about variations of sexual development makes us uninformed about the problematic gender identity. It’s hard for many to grasp that people who have some differences with the combinations of genes, hormones, and anatomy, may have some differences with their gender identity. Many do not understand transsexualism, sex-changes, or gender-identity disorder, and feel that these are problems for which the parents are to blame. In this case, ignorance is really the opposite of bliss. Our reactions to people with such disorders and lifestyles are that of shock. We segregate those people and make their lives absolutely miserable.
In this chapter I even learned that many think that sex is a social construction and vary from our personal and cultural beliefs and assumptions about sex and gender. This opened up a whole new way of looking at things for me, as I wish it could for others. If only we spread awareness about the sexual minorities, we could improve society and make it a better place for the sexual minorities and even for ourselves. If we transform our thinking and work on our acceptance of biological, sexual, and gender diversity, we could be one step closer to gender equality.

Images of Women

O. G.


Why are deprecating pictures of women prevalent in the media even in the year 2009? Perhaps, if more people made an effort, then an epidemic would catch on; transforming perception and making a small but definite difference. It’s not that we all think something or someone is “hot,” but a lot of the times we feel the need to go along with everyone, jumping on the bandwagon of offensive language and ideas which diminish women.
Advertising images of women demean the female sex and make the images a lot more sexual than is necessary (but seeing as there's nobody to say how much is necessary, we can only say that studies have shown that advertising pictures of women are a lot more sexualized than those of men). It is said that a picture says a thousand words, so what words do the pictures which objectify women or cut them out of important historical events say? Face-ism and sexualization of images says that women are sexual bodies, and that even their bodies, are not important. The same advertisement companies that make women into sexual objects, also portray women of color as exotic or animalistic or Mammy-like. Moreover, those companies don't portray bigger women, or women of lower socio-economic status, or older women, or athletic women at all - as if a good proportion of the female population simply became invisible in the world of advertising which is supposed to relate to everyone.
Maybe nobody is aware of language making women sound like objects, or the commonplace masculine pronoun meant to stand for both sexes, or even the statistics which make women sound at fault for their own assaults. Demeaning language which was once only regarded as a curse, has now become a part of everyday slang. Curses which were reserved for angry, filthy mouths have now become terms of endearment used not only by men, but also by women. While the uses of these terms have changed, the negative connotation that comes with them hasn't. So when people call females derogatory terms, even if they do not mean them in a negative way, they are perpetuating the idea that women really are described through those derogatory terms, which not only hurts the female gender, but also takes away any respect people have for females.
But it’s a little difficult to believe that nobody notices the images all over the media. Half naked women are everywhere; in print, on billboards, on clothing, on television. To make matters even worse, they’re constantly dominated by men. It may be crazy, but I’m pretty sure that almost everyone has thought, “Wow, that’s a demeaning picture.” If all of us have found at least one add, commercial, or billboard that we found debasing, then why is it that they’re still constantly around. Why are people still attracted to something that’s demeaning?
For most, not stereotyping is impossible. Nonetheless, we are all exceptions of one stereotype or another – race, class, gender, sexuality, age – so why can’t we tune down our own predispositions to stereotype. If we and everyone around us is an exception to some kind of stereotype, why is it that we still have them? If we built more awareness, we could work to begin the road of destroying stereotypes.
Pornography is something that’s omnipresent in our everyday lives. With a big boom in the porno industry, pornography has also leaked into the mainstream culture and is now used to advertise. Yet, a lot of people don’t notice that it’s almost an example of violence against women. It pushes sexual stereotypes into people's heads and acts as a script for sexual violence, making men believe that women enjoy being raped and mistreated. So if pornography, along with all the objectified images of women are demeaning and not representative of the population, then why are they still everywhere you turn your head?

Here's a website which works to raise awareness about porn in pop culture and the awareness that this needs to stop spreading even further.
http://stoppornculture.org/

This article speaks about women and sex in advertising.
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/16519/sex_and_women_in_popular_culture.html

Gender Norms in TV Commertials By Joana

So we know that gender norms are in everything from walking down the street to listening to the radio and of course watching TV. We all know that while watching our favorite shows we are forced to watch the commercials that come on. One of my favorite commercials is the Optimum Triple Play reggaeton version. The song is catchy and the commercial itself is hallariouse!!! So okay i must have watched this commercial a million times before but this time while thinking in terms of gender and stereotypes i really noticed things i had never even seen or i guess choose not to see. Im sure everyone has seen this commercial but for those who havent i will explain the main parts: it starts of with this reggaeton artist on the couch, the walls fall down and hes on this island. the part that really bothered me is that these three spanish women apear and they are wearing bikini mirmade costumes. Then three women life guards appear by the water and begin to dance. Towards the end Three women are in bikinis laying on beach towels, they then roll over and run on the beach. The very last sceen is the reggaeton artist sitting in the house with the three mirmades from the begining all makeing sexy posses. The commercial is supposed to be selling the Optomised Triple Play deal that they are having, tell me what do women in bikinis, life guards and mirmades have to do with anything???? The only men in the entire commercial are the UGLY pirates that are fighting eachother in the background throughout the entire commercial.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_oF6xnvnGQ&feature=related

So i figuered i would look at some other Optimum Triple Play commercials to see if they are also as stereotipical and ubsurd. The other commercials i know we have probally all watched also is the Optimum Triple Pay Suburban. It starts of with a women in the kitchen offcourse .... she is baking CUPCAKES that say $29.95 on them. This beach blond house wife wearing an apron then serves the children who are playing video games. There are also three darker looking women dancing and singing in the background all dressed insynk. Why are they putting the lightest women as the lead???? whay couldnt it be one of the darker women ???? This house wife then goes to the garage and serves an old asian women who is fixing the car. I really didnt understand why they chose an old asian women to be fixing the car ... i dont know if its a raciest joke or and age joke. The house wife then goes out to the backyard to finish serving the rest of the cupcakes and her husband is there on his cellphone by the grill ... very manlly as you can see ... he just smiles and continues on with his conversation ... they then focis in on the gardiner who has no shirt on and is extremelly hansome ... he smiles and winks at the women.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1kAHTXOWkA&feature=related

The last triple play commertial i want to focus on is the Optimum Triple Play Hair Salon in spanish. It starts off with women at a hair salon ... all of a sudden they get up and remove the clothes they have on (under their clothes they have on shinny silvery dressy shirts with tiets) and they begin dancing very sexy . The lead dancer writes $29.95 on the mirror with lipstick. She than gets on a salon chair using her labtop ... while the other girls around her all have hairdriers blowing towards her. She than closes here eye and has $29.95 written on her eye with make up. The rest of the commercial is basically them dancing around with phones ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1s5Mb2OLMA&feature=related